Help! I’m being Uslurped!

Hi. My name is Caphy, short for Cacophony. My best friend Joey named me that because I make a lot of noise when I’m hungry, or want to play ball, or see a squirrel, or a car, a bird, a speck of dirt blowing across the floor…

Geez, I used to think she was being overly sensitive about the noise thing. But now that I look at it, she might have something there.

But anyway…

Joey doesn’t know I’m here. Ixnay on the ewsnay. She’d be mad if she knew I was whining in your ear. But something must be done. Our author’s out of control. She’s ruining my fictional life!!! Whiiiiiiinnnnnneeeee!

I’ve been Joey’s best friend for years, ever since she and her Uncle Dev rescued me from that ditch alongside the road. We’re inseparable and, other than my second-best friend Hal Amity (who launches a mean tennis ball) we’ve been a team of two for that whole time. 

I like it that way.

But now Sam’s throwing a wrench into the works. Or should I say, a cranky cat? I don’t like this cat. She’s mean and spits at me a lot. Joey won’t let me eat her, so what’s a sweet, slightly scared of spitting felines, pibl to do? All that’s left for me is hiding under and behind the furniture. I’ve been sucking hairballs for a whole week now and I hate it. 

Please help me talk Sam out of making Joey keep this nightmare on soundless feet. If LaLee stays around I’m going to need serious therapy. I’m talking hours of tennis ball chasing, copious amounts of rolling in stinky stuff, and boxes full of my favorite dog treats. 

Look, I’m not heartless. I know the cat just lost her owner. Good boy do I know! She was swimmin’ wid’ da fishes in Joey’s pond. But that doesn’t mean I need a furever sister, does it? 

No! It doesn’t. So please, do me a solid, send Sam a note and beg her not to saddle me with the cat. Pleeeeaaassseee…whiiiiiinnnnnneeeee! I’ll be your third best friend furever if you do. 

xoxo
Caphy (shhhhh!)